getting happy

Hooray! I showered!!! A real shower, whole body, and it was great. I even got to shave my legs without getting to chilling cold water. And, Dan had showered before me. Amazing and awesome! I guess what happened is that people started throwing a fit about the electricity being so bad. They were having protests and everything. The workers told us that they saw it on the news, and last night at 7:00, the electricity came and stayed all night. It cut out a few times during the day today, but when we had it, we had it for a few hours at least. It was awesome. It's so funny how the things I get excited for have changed from what they were before.

just some pics

His naked butt marching around is something that Judah would show off
often if we let him, and we do! But, this is more to show how little of a butt
he has.



Very happy kid, very happy family.

Opinions about having no electricity

1. real showers just don't happen. Okay, yeah, I wash my hair every other day in the sink, and my body gets cleaned off, and Judah gets baths. But, the amount of water it takes for him to have a bath, and for my hair to get washed, is a lot less than the amount it takes for me to dare to take a shower. I am not a short-shower type person, and if it's cold, or tepid, forget it!! We don't stink, though, if that is what you are starting to think.

2. laundry just doesn't happen (we are starting to sound like pigs!). I thought about writing an 'ode to a dryer', but since I don't even have one to work with the non-existent electricity, I decided against it. Too many emotions involved with the absence that special piece of machinery.

3. candlelight dinners are not fun anymore!!!!

4. Just when you sit down at the computer, get all of the pictures resized, and uploaded, and are about to hit 'send', the electricity cuts out.

5. It's even bad for the electric company. In another village, one of the workers is in charge of going to the transformer and shutting off electricity for that specific transformer's area got beat up and threatened. They told him to stop turning their electricity off. I guess they have been having good electricity now. I need to find out some names....

6. how many layers of clothing can you fit under your jeans? I know mine depending on which pair of jeans I am wearing. And, they all get shed when we go into the living room, but every other room in the house warrants the layers.

7. Ben Franklin could really help the Kosovars!!

Heavenly butt-kicking

"Never again will I complain about getting up early when my tiredness is mainly due to the long hours required to live a blessed life!" -Darlene Zschech

Those words lept out of the book I am reading and slapped me in the face, or like I said, kicked my butt. There are so many times when I want to feel God's hand and favor in my life, but I just sit back and wait for it. Faith is action. So, as I look at my house currently, it seems as though there is no end. But, the happiness that comes, that simple-contented breath, when my house is clean, Judah is asleep, I am heading there, the laundry is done (that part is virtually never), me and Dan have had a chance to actually talk about things that are going on in our lives and other issues, and I completed everything I need to for the month, is a moment that I enjoy. It is a blessed moment. And, I want more of those. So, here's to buckling down, and getting stuff done.

Conspiracy theories, pickles, and Kosovar music

For the last few weeks, we have had awful electricity. What actually is described by awful? One hour with electricity, five hours without. Yes, it pretty much sucks!!! The problem is that nobody in our village has paid their electricity for the last two years (we have paid, and are still getting sucky electricity), and they won't start paying anytime soon because the electric company expects them to pay their back bill. -back bill- a very large bill from the three years after the war when nothing was happening. It was delivered to the families three years after they returned from being regugees in Albania, and most of them can't afford to pay monthly on a current bill much less pay however much their bill is for three prior years! Not only that, but we are lumped in with two other villages. So even if our entire village is paying it may not make any difference!
Then, come the conspiracy theories. When asked why they don't even pay their current monthly bill, the villagers all hmm and hah and avoid the question and they start to shift the blame. "The real reason that we don't have enough electricity is because KEK (the electric company) is selling it!" "Yeah, Serbia is taking electricity that should be ours!" Blah, blah, blah. My complaint: all the conspiracy theories in the world do me no good if I don't have electricity. I think that the only conspiracy going on is one of stubborn people who aren't going to change and start paying their bills!!!

***********
On Tuesday I went to the hairdressers. I am always up for a visit to the hairdresser's since it so different from going to a hairdresser in the states. The gal who actually owns the shop and cuts my hair has six or seven other workers, who don't cut hair. They shampoo me, comb me, cover me with the big smock, clip my hair up, then Zana cuts my hair, then another one blows me dry and another styles me. Really interesting. But, what is even more fun is the atmosphere. I still have not seen "Beauty Shop", I am waiting for a good pirated copy (another blog, another time) to come out here in Kosova, but I have a feeling that it gives a good picture of what it is like here. Zana's hair salon more of a gathering place. Her mother, who is loud mouthed and bossy and tiny in stature to boot, gets in everyone's business, greets everyone, and orders everyone around. Her other daughters, Zana's sisters, also work there. But, on any given day, customers and friends, just visiting, fill the shop. I have always wanted to take an hour or so on Saturday mornings and go in and just visit them so that I could get to know them better, so I could watch the interesting that go in and out, and so I could learn Turkish. They all are Kosovar, and all speak Shqip, but they all speak Turkish in their families. So, as everyone grins and greets me in Shqip, there are at least five other conversations being blabbered around me. So frustrating to not know what they are saying!!! It would be fun if I could be a spot on the wall in there. The stories that get passed on would just be mouth-watering: Juicy bits of gossip, sad little stories, fights (with that many girls, and that mother, it's bound to happen), and who knows what else - I am still considering starting a book of all of these interesting little stories that happen at the beauty shop. And, in amongst all of this babble, and comeraderie, is me. Sitting in the swivel chair, grinning like an idiot who doesn't know what is going on (that's cuz I don't know what is going on), having my head jerked around by who-can-keep-track-of-how-many women, praying to God that my hair doesn't come out looking like Rachel's first season on "Friends" (it was cool at the time, but that time is gone!), and being grinned at like a silly, little child because I am the novelty. The outsider that they all like, but don't know what to do with. Very wierd, but interesting.
And, whenever I leave there, my hair strangely resembles Rachel's hair, but once I style it myself, it helps.
***********
And, what are Dan and Judah doing all of this hair stuff? Having their own little party in the van:

Dan: "We got hungry, so we ate some pickles. I bought a big jar of them at the store."
Amber: "Why did you buy them? Judah's never had pickles, did he like them?"
Dan: smile "I bought them for the kindergarten. He kept eating halves of them?"
Amber: "oh, cool, are they already cut in half?"
Dan: big smile "nope, I would eat a half and then give him the other half!"
Amber: "was he good, then?"
Dan: "oh, yeah, we had a great time. We listened to Kosovar music."
Amber: "did you dance, too?"
Dan: "yep, I wiggled and jived, and Judah clapped for me"
Amber: "oh, dear."
Dan: big, big smile.

Lately...

* We are weaning Judah of the pacifier. Now, he only gets it when he goes on visits. He does really good, and he only cried for 20 minutes before he fell asleep for nap today. I feel like we are digressing somehow...

* Me and Dan fought this morning because I was being irrational (I was), but I just couldn't stop! It would be easy to blame raging hormones, but I have to take the blame for not even trying to listen, or hear, the Holy Spirit telling me to "SHUT UP"

* We went on a date tonight for the first time in who know's how long. It was very nice.

* I won't think about all of the stuff that I have to get done this week to avoid the panicky feeling that is building in my chest.

** I read in the Bible tonight, that "God gives each of us chance after chance..." Job 33:29 CEV, and I can't help but inwardly scream, "THANK YOU, FATHER!" Thank you for making up for me when I completely and utterly fail. Thank you for still giving me Your undeserving love after I have taken my own desires and placed them in front of obedience to you. Thank you for blessing my family and me, for the promises that You have for my life and their lives, and for allowing us to live for You. Thank you for forgiving me. Thank you for giving me peace when I truly feel like my life will fall down at any moment. Thank you for surrounding me. And, most of all, thank you for always remaining faithful, chance after chance.

My little Pony

Yes, I know it's a pitiful excuse for a ponytail....
Yes, I know that it's sticking straight out from the back
of my head....

BUT, it's a ponytail all the same, it's off the back of my neck, and it stayed in the entire day!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sharing

Since I am awful at being private, and like to open, honest, and gregarious, I must share with you. Yesterday, I miscarried a baby. It was very new, only five or six weeks, so I am doing fine. If I let myself think about it - 'myself' being very emotional, cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat, & wear her emotions loud - I will cry, but I cry for just about anything. Truly! I'm okay, and Heaven has a new addition!

Hey, I got snail mail today, too! Thanks Susie, I will definitely dog-ear this one!

Rokie

This is my new friend Rokie (Row-kee-ah, roke like 'poke', and -ia like the end of 'Maria', now say it five times!). She got married into a family in our village on Sunday, and I finally got to meet her today. In Shqip (the local language - say it how ever you want!), she is called a 'nuse' or new bride, and the title comes with responsibility. Traditionally, she would stay in the corner of the room, with her eyes down, not looking or talking to anyone, serving tea of coffee, but, thankfully, times are changing, and I get to see her smile at me and hear her voice. Every family treats their new bride a little differently, and some are still expected to act with tradition, but Rokie was able to be involved with all that we were doing. Without going into length about all of the traditions, suffice it to say that she has gone through mild culture shock this weekend, and to look into her eyes and wonder what she is feeling is something that I can't help but do. What does she think of her new family (along with hubby is hubby's entire family)? Does she love her husband, or will she come to love him eventually? Does she even really like him? And, then we come to the stuff that I'm not even sure girls here think about: What does she dream about? What would she like to be when she grows up? What makes her smile? And, then, my heart just melts and I come to the personal side: What would she do if I hugged her? Would she cry, and tell me how scared she is? How can I touch her heart and share my heart? How can I share Christ's heart with her? But, the problem with my friends in Kosova is kind of like their make-up. As you can see very easily, there is a lot, and this is normal and constant. I've only seen one of my friends without make-up once! They're not like me. They don't go around in their pj's until 1 in the afternoon on Saturdays. They always have make-up covering the true, honest, simplistic features of their face - the parts I really want to see. And, they never reveal the true, honest, and simplistic parts of their hearts, either. There is so much tradition and pride that is wrapped up in that 'make-up' that I don't really get to see the real them. But, I am working on it. It is my own personal quandary. One day, maybe I'll just stun one of them and give them a great big hug, a really, full soaking one that just covers them with warmth. I'm truly considering it.

Every Minute

(a wonderful little bit of a wonderful song by Sara Groves)

I am long on staying ~ I am slow to leave ~ Especially when it comes to you my friend ~ You have taught me to slow down ~ And to prop up my feet ~ It's the fine art of being who I am ~ ~ And I can't figure out ~ Why you what me around ~ I'm not the smartest person I have ever met ~ But somehow that doesn't matter ~ No it never really mattered to you at all ~ ~ And at the risk of wearing out my welcome ~ At the risk of self-discovery ~ I'll take every moment ~ And every minute that you give me

Right now, I would love a coffee date with all of my friends, I'll take it with one at a time, two or three, or wouldn't it just be a gas (love that expression!) to have all together at the same time. Then, all of my friends would meet and make friends. We could talk about girl stuff, the latest sale, our kids, our husbands, anything that touched our hearts. Maybe we would cry (I've been needing a good cry), or laugh, hard, until I had to go to the bathroom (I've been needing a good laugh, too!). But, since, this isn't physically possible, I'm sending you a blogosphere coffee date. I can almost feel it now. The steam curling up around my face, my hands getting warmed by the almost too-hot-to-touch mug, and my friends smiling faces (arrgghh, not going to cry). Someday it will happen, with all of you, probably not all at the same time, but it will happen. Can't wait! Until then, I'll think of you when I get a chance to sit and enjoy coffee.

Fours

(I got tagged, and I'm very glad for the help, today! Writer's block.)

Four jobs I've had in my life
1. shoe salesman, or woman, or female teenager
2. waitress
3. barista, HA!, coffee girl
4. my favorite(s): mommy/wife

Four movies over and over, and have
1. Runaway Bride
2. You've got Mail
3. Knight's Tale
4. Good Will Hunting

Four places I have lived
1. 1525 12th Avenue South, Great Falls
2. 1800 32nd Street South, Great Falls
3. 1505 1/2 3rd Avenue South, Great Falls
4. Krushe e Vogel, Kosova
(wow, how boring)

Four TV shows I love to watch
1. CSI: crime scent investigation (Las Vegas, the others are just sad rip-offs)
2. 24
3. Trading Spaces
4. While you were out

Four places I have been on vacation
1. Southcentral California
2. Athens, Greece
3. Durres, Albania
4. Paris, France
(I made up for boring with those, didn't I?)

Four websites I visit daily
1. Yahoo! mail
2. Yahoo! mail
3. Yahoo! mail
4. Yahoo! mail

Four of my favorite foods
1. Pizza Hut breadsticks
2. Taco Treat tacos (shut up, Andy, I like them!)
3. MacKenzie River Pizza Co.'s ... anything
4. Baskin Robbins chocolate peanut butter ice cream

Four places I would rather be right now
1. My mom's house
2. At Starbuck's having a decaf latte
3. At any of the afore-mentioned restraurant waiting for my food to arrive
4. anywhere that going to a wedding this eveing didn't mean dressing up in a prom dress in freezing cold weather and dancing outside!

Four people who I tag next
1. Christel
2. Rachel Piercy
3. Cindy Lee
4. Laura Beth

Books and Words

Judah has become such a reader lately, and such a demanding one! He doesn't mind reading all on his own, but he absolutely adores when we read to him. He has also starting whining (really annoying!), and so sometimes when he starts my only device for shutting him up is to tell him to go and get a book. Off he pads and back he comes a few moments later with a book. Too cute. I is so phenomenal the ways that he is starting to show his independence. Sometimes, I can just set him up on the couch with a bunch of books within his reach and get a lot accomplished!!! He just sits there, or lays there, and reads to his hearts content. He especially loves his 'Daddy' book, it's about bears and he gets to growl, another thing that he does a lot lately. But, he has other favorites, too: Dr. Seuss; 1,2,3 juggle with me; I love you; How do dinosaurs go to sleep?

He has always loved when we read to him, even as a newborn (I think that maybe it is due to the fact that we read to him 'in utero', but who knows), and now it showing up in his speaking. All the time, non-stop, he's gabbing. Some words intelligible, other not so intelligible. Dan yelled at me from the kitchen the other day, "what's 'uba' mean?" hmm, what has Judah been using that for? oh, yeah! "It means 'thank you', and he may be telling you that he is done eating." Score for mommy!!

Death or growth?

Today is Kurban Bajram (I'm not going to give pronunciations, because noone every pays attention to them), a muslim holiday. And, since the people of Kosova are nominally muslim, they celebrate it, and we go visit them all, which is a whole other story in itself, but I'll save that one for later. Because my experience shopping the day before Kurban Bajram is still fresh in my memory. I decided to go without Dan and Judah to the store since, it was naptime for Judah, and Dan didn't want to go (Thanks, Babe!). I don't go to the city by myself very often, because it is very out of character for women in this culture to do anything by themselves. And, normally, that would be something that my self-sufficient, Montana-raised, independent, strong, sense of self would scoff at, but in the land of Kosova, it sometimes just more productive to not go against the grain. But, every once in a while, I unconsciously decide that I need a reminder of why things are the way they are.
I jump in the van, and every head turns and questions where I am going, as I buzz out of the village. I'm convinced that inside their heads are thoughts like, "where is Dan?", "Why are you going by yourself?", "What a shameful woman", and, Yes! "Maybe she has another man that she visits." Along the road, I frequently get flagged down, honked at, grinned at, and yelled at by the male drivers of other vehicles. There have been days when they have gone out of their way to get into mine, but yesterday was without these drivers. Then, as you enter the city, traffic in general gets to a point that you would love to just lay on the horn and die there, or, ram into the car in front of you. Stop, go, stop, go, stop, go, where go is only at about 2 km/hr truly is monotonous, but at least it's winter and not 90 degress out (been there, done that, and can't wear that t-shirt because of pit stains)! Finally, though, I get to the turn into the store parking lot. Now, please don't confuse the words "parking lot" with a vision of the lovely land of pretty yellow lines that people normally pay attention to outside of Costco, Wal-mart, Target, K-mart and just about every other store in the United States. Instead, imagine the entire lot where that the corner gas station sits on, and you are probably just about right. But, there are as many people as at all the aforementioned stores! Our van is much bigger than the average car running around the streets of Kosova, and it is proved when we try to park it in these insane places. But, I still managed that! I can see this is starting to drag out, and I won't bore you with all of the gritty details like being grossed out by the smell of the freshly cut meat at the meat counter (they deliver real-live moo-ers to the back storage area where they are then cut up and presented for puchase), but skim over the highlights:
1. having a woman with a mean look on her face, with no cart and nothing in her hands, stand in front of my cart and expect me to get out of her way in a tuna can space full of shopping carts; occurrence: twice.
2. my behind touched, unpurposely; occurrence: more time than I remember
3. my cart pulled through cart-jam by a worker (who I almost could have kissed I was so grateful);
occurrence: one time
4. almost crying, literally; occurrence: three times
5. being caught in between a worker's arm and another person's body with only one foot (full of me) in
between them; occurrence: one time
6. having people shove and push me; occurrence: the number escapes me
7. wishing I wasn't so daft as to forget that today was the day before a holiday; occurrence: yep, too high to
count!
but, amazingly, I lived through it. I will remember the next time I go to make sure I am not going on one of the busiest Kosovar shopping days, but, I will even go back. What's the old saying, "what doesn't kill you, makes you grow"?!?!?!?!?!

About a Boy

Which by the way, is a great movie, also means so much more to me now that I have not only one big boy, but a little one, as well. It was definitely an eye-opener when I got married. Going from a house full of girls, with a father who worked most of the time, to living full time with my husband (Yep! he's a boy!) definitely clued me in to the world of boys. But, having a little boy, a little superkid, that runs around all day long, poking into things he isn't supposed to, and giving you a sly, charming, absolutely captivating smile while he does it, has definitely highlighted the differences between the sexed. He has always loved rocks and dirt (so boy!), and he only cries for about 30 seconds before he heads back to tackle whatever it was that messed him up in the first place, and he now growls at everything, fights his dinosaurs, and now we are trying to teach him to box. And, yes! I encourage this! Not sure why, but it just seems so natural. Even my mother said, "I can see how you can be rougher with a little boys than little girls." He can take a nap while there are hammers and drills working right above his head, he eats like crazy, and pounds on anything that is near - floor included - with his drumsticks...real drumsticks. I read the funniest article, when I was pregnant, about a mom learning about boys. I laughed at it then, with a self-satisfied thought that I knew what I was in for. HA! As Will, played by Hugh Grant on "About a Boy", said (as he follows an ambulance, with a lady who just tried to commit suicide in it, to the hospital) "It was horrible, horrible. But, driving fast behind the ambulance was fantastic!"
Yep! That pretty much sums it up!

he loves to take the flakes one by one while Daddy is eating his cereal beside him.
Yep! He's adorable!

Winter Vacation

Since the day before Christmas we have had 'pushim', or holiday, from Kindergarten. And, in that amount of time, I have:
1. Watched the second series of '24'
2. cooked two actual dinners (not just slap together hotdogs, or give Judah crackers with peanut
butter while Daddy and Mommy scrounge!)
3. painted with Judah and Dan
4. stayed in my pajamas until 11:00 AM every day
5. not exercised
6. filed some papers
7. worked on my blog

... and I am enjoying it.
Getting up early to exercise when you could sleep alongside your hubby in a very cozy bed just doesn't compute.

The New Year

As the New Year was welcomed with fireworks (I can't believe how much I love those!), firecrackers, poppers, pistols, and AK-47's (welcome to the land of Kosova), I couldn't stop myself from thinking about what a great life I have been given. Yes, there are days, and moments, when I don't feel that way, but they are few and fleeting. There are days when I look at the disaster that my home is and think, with absolute certainty of how clean my friends' houses are. Of course, I have a picture in my mind of what it looked like the last time I was there and they probably cleaned everything up because we were coming, but it was still clean, and that is what is stuck in my head. There are days, when I get up and look in the mirror and say, "Dear God, can you amazingly make me lose the little donuts around my upper thigh with the lunges that I halfheartedly do today?". And, there are days when I think, "I don't care if I lose track of everything that is going on around me, lose 500 euro dollars, and lose track of the last time my son has eaten (which is often), I'm crawling under his crib and never coming out again!" But, then there are the moments that take my breath away by their poignancy. The moments that I don't even running to get my camera or camcorder for since they will pass before that can happen, and they wouldn't be captured properly anyhow. The moments that touch my heart with just a gently tap and cause a gush of emotion, and normally, tears. The moment when I catch my husband looking at me with wonder just because he had a moment, too. The moment when my Judah stops running around the house in circles (his newest favorite game) and comes running at me for a kiss. Sitting with a hot cup of cocoa, tea, or decaf coffee in my hands. Eating truly delicious food. Getting a personal e-mail from a dear friend. Getting post mail. Smiling. Laughing until your tummy hurts. Crying at a movie that merits it. Accomplishing something new. Seeing a seed poke up from the ground. Looking at pictures of loved ones. Worship music. Choir music. Just about any music. Painting my toenails. Having a clean house when I go to bed. The feeling right after the whole house is clean, right before guests come and it gets messy again. That is why my life is good. That is why I am thankful for it. That is why I am joyful!