Random thoughts

Okay, so I don't hate 2 peas as much now because, Susie told me where to go, and because they have free digital scrapbooking kits for me to download. Now, I just hate our electricity (what's new?) because it doesn't give me much time on the computer with Photoshop, and our internet connection for being unreliable so that I have a hard time downloading the kits that have made my life pure 'fun' since I started using them! Oh, my gosh, on Thursday, using layers in photoshop just clicked and I have been going nuts ever since. Like, I said, when I have good electricity and good internet, I'll upload them to 2 peas so you can all tell me how cool they are :P
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Being in Kosova has been good for me in so many ways it is scary. I mean in terms of growing up into who God wants me to be. But, there are some yucky side-effects that I have begun to notice that kind of worry me.
1. I am so unconnected from what I know as a 'normal' life (normal being American female), that I don't know if I relate very well.
2. I'm not sure I know how to be a very good friend anymore. Things here are always so superficial, and that is how I have to be a lot of the time. I try to get to know these people, but they don't understand me, and don't know how to open up, so....
3. little lies run through me head, and because of the reasons already referred to, I actually entertain them. Things like, 'all of my friends have way cool lives and I'm stuck here', 'I don't have any real friends, they all just take pity on me, so they make themselves e-mail', 'I could be and do so much more if I weren't here'. Grrrr.
4. I have forgotten that I like to be the type of girl who is feminine but can still change a flat tire in high heels. Here, because of the male-driven, male-directed, male-living culture that exists (if you have a penis you can do whatever you want), I have forgotten a little bit of how to be bold. I act like a little wimpy bettycrocker and hide behind my husband (now I'll get in trouble from betty crockers, which, really there isn't anything wrong with that if that is how God created you, but he put a lot more kick in me than to just sit in the house and take that as all that I do)
So, I am trying to remember that I don't like these things being developed in my life, and paying attention if I am allowing myself to act in them!
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Judah has been talking like crazy lately, and growing up into so much more of a little boy and not a toddler. Sad, but fun.

***and, if anyone comments on this, I will know that you did it out of pity or guilt, so don't!