New Home

Because of the unbelievable friends I have, you can now find me here.

pins and needles

Waiting, sitting, sort of uncomfortable, not very fun, want to move on to something else, but I can't yet. Or I am unable to..... My sister, is about ready to have her baby. She could be having it right now, truthfully. she has bann having contractions since Saturday, her mucus plug is out, she is dilated at least to three (that was the last account I knew of), and effaced 50%, and she is still walking around with my niece/nephew in her!!!! I talked to her yesterday, and told her that the 12th was a good day to have a baby. "Well, I kind of thought that the 10th was a good day to have a baby," she responded. I am praying for her, anxious for her, excited for her, nervous for her, rooting for her, crying for her, cheering for her, laughing for her, and wishing that I could hug her. But, that will be another waiting. So for now, I sit, with phone in hand, jumping at every ring, on 'pins and needles'.

sassy shoe thursday

okay, I have had to many people tell me that they would like to take part in Sassy Shoe Thursday, but they don't have the shoes for it. now, they could be just saying that because they truly don't want to participate, and that is cool, but for the genuine excuse that you don't think you have cool enough shoes, I just can't accept it! 'Sassy' just went with 'shoe' and 'thursday' so well, but everyone has shoes ( I kind of wish it was more mode to go barefoot), and so everyone can participate. you can also feature shoes that you don't own (yet!), so for a little inspiration, and an answer to excuses, you can go and visit solestruck.com. If you don't get totally desirous of cool shoes from this site, you have way more willpower than me!

now, for my shoes. these are my newest pair of shoes, and I love them. they go with everything, and after the first painfully disastrous time of wearing them, they are fairly comfortable. but, they are brown, and I think I am getting too much brown in my wardrobe. but, I still love the shoes.

how to

I am going to try to explain how to change your blog banner. I still don't have the thing figured out since, as you can see, it is still small and not covering the entire length of the top of the page. But, if you are happy with a little box in the middle like mine, then listen in:
1. design your banner: I designed mine on the computer with Adobe photoshop. this program is amazing! There is no end to the fun things that you can make with it, but there are quite a few other photoediting programs that you can use. Another way to make a banner is on paper, and then scan it. On paper, you can virtually do whatever you want, stamp, doodle, lipstick kiss (ooh! good idea for later), have fun, and make it yours! Then, scan it into your computer, and save it as a JPEG file.
NOTE: I am giving instructions of how to load onto blogger. I think typepad is pretty explanatory itself, and myspace, well, I'll look up some helps on the internet, because that site confuses me as it is!
2. open up your blogger account, and start a creat page as though you were just making a daily blog entry
3. click the 'upload picture' button, and select the photo that you created or scanned. save the uploaded image as a 'draft'
4. open it back up and click on the 'Edit Html' button at the top. this will show you a lot of garbled letters that somehow represent the image that looks so pretty (I don't understand any of this, but I am trying to learn, and share with you, how to manipulate it): copy and paste the part that is your image onto a separate word document, just so you don't lose it. It should begin with the 'img style' bit, and don't forget the little <> arrows. They are important.
5. now go into the template part of your blog. If you have never visited this page, or have only visited it to change to an already pre-made page, it can be scary. What am I saying!??? I've been to it more than that, and it is still scary, but on this page, is the magical ability to change your blog's entire look, but I don't know how to do that, so I'll just tell the part that I know so far. IMPORTANT NOTE: save the entire script of your page as it is, so that if you mess up, you can just copy and paste it back as it was. scroll down to where it says:

body

begin content

div id =content

(or something similar)

6. paste your image's URL (all of the garble that supposedly represents your image) after the content part.
now go down and save changes. republish, and check out your new page.

7. yep, there's a problem, huh? There's still the old header, too! Go back into the template, and erase the part that represents the old header. it will be a group of garble right after your personal image, or before it. erase the whole section, but not your image's information. now save changes, and republish, you should be good.

I am still looking for information to make the banner bigger, and if there is anyone who reads this and knows how, please let me know.

I have just had so much fun with my blog, changing it, making it personal to me, and meeting or greeting friends, old and new, that I think everyone should be able to do it. if you try this and need some help, let me know.

running with weights

Please, somebody tell me, what type of suicidal moron would run with weights? What weird type of person would want to add extra weight to the amount they are already carrying around on top of two legs while they are pounding those legs into the pavement? the answer: ME. I sometimes wonder at myself

New Banner

As you have probably noticed, I have been playing with my blog sight a little bit. But, I have a small problem. I can't seem to make my banner (what do you think of this one?) and bigger. It likes to stay small. If anyone has pointers, I would be more than grateful.

Long Day

You know how some days feel like 5 days rolled into one. Well, today was one like that for me. Started off not feeling great anyhow, you know low energy, stay in bed, be a poop not feeling good. It's the first day of a doctor team which always means there are tons of little 'loose ends' that have to be tied up in the last 30 seconds before Dan and the doctors get out of the door. Of course, that all has to happen while Judah is finishing breakfast, yelling 'all dine' at me, and having to go potty (5 days with no accidents folks!). When I finally got them out the door, I just felt like crying because I had to go to Prishtina with Judah to get medicine. That sentence could have basically said, I had to go to Siberia to find a warm vacation spot, because it's about that impossible! After sitting for an hour at the agency where we get the import license, OH, wait! Judah puked in the car on the 90 minute car ride, then, I sat for an hour at the agency where we get the medicine import license, and they finally figured out who I was, what my license was, and that "no" I didn't have to pay for it because it is free medicine! Then I waited at the airport for the next four hours for a 'private' customs agent to get my boxes for me. I won't even try to explain the 'private' bit, because what I did understand of the situation basically told me that I was getting jipped somehow. Car ride home with Judah singing at the top of his lungs the entire way (not an exaggeration), get home to whip up taco salad with Judah running in circles in the kitchen (also, not an exaggeration), eat, Judah's in a bath, Dan still isn't home because he had to clear up something so that our building can be insulated, and blog a little bit. I have to finish the dishes, and I think there is something else that I need to do.....oh, well.

music

Music has always been a huge part of my world and life. So much so, that I have started arranging music in my head for different ways that it effects me. "oh, I like this song, but only for a 'I'm bummed out and droopy' kind of day". I keep thinking that I need to start a notebook full of list titles to start listing these songs in, but it's one of those projects that isn't going to change the world, my house decor, or life if it doesn't happen. but, there are few that have gotten lengthy enough that I can think of them as complete lists. One of my favorites is my morning list. There is a great song by Chris Rice that I used to hear almost every day as I drove up the airport hill at 2:00AM to chuck UPS boxes, always woke me up! I think my morning list is the list closest to coming into being. After a child, I don't wake up like I used to, but mornings always seem to have such promise and joy. Then there is the music that I like to listen to while I cook, Latin, lounge club, worship, dance, anything that will make me swing my hips and sing into the stirring spoon (not while it's dripping, of course! I'd grab a dry one). I'm a dork I know, but some of mine and Judah's favorite times are when we are rockin' while mommy's making dinner. But, then there is a list that I didn't even realizing was starting to form. The list of music that inspires me to make music. HA! it may be songs that I am not even that fond of, but a certain chord progression, a few certain 'perfect' lyrics, an interesting different voice, that makes me think that for some reason, I CAN DO THAT, TOO! I have a friend who put together a 3-CD mix of songs of her. I cannot imagine how much time and thought went into that, but I admire it. I would be terrified to begin and even more terrified to claim some of the songs that are part of me! But, I am so grateful that they are. That I can relate music to my life, to happy and sad times, and redress my day in beautiful music. It is something that I hope to instill in my children, and since Judah plays drums on everything and anything (real drumsticks!), loves mommy's cheesy 5-octave keyboard and singing with it, loves his music and has starting to try to sing along (oh, so adorable), and has started playing air guitar, I think we have that process nicely started! This makes me want to get out all of the CDs that Dan just can't stand, but I secretly, LOVE!

clarification

I forgot one important note about my 'shoe' scrap page. There is only one pair of my own shoes on that page. I took the rest of the pics from the website where I was window shopping! don't I wish they were all mine and that I had taken those pictures. hehehehee

Allow me to introduce you

Here is one of the people that makes me cry every time I see her, but in an extremely good way! Cortney, used to be Shea, now Atchley, and I met when we worked together at Scheel's. Oh, my gosh I can still remember Cindy freaking out in the back freight room, and the towers of unopened boxes of products yet to be entered into the system! And Trevor always broke the rules, on everything! So, one day I invited her to church, or maybe Gen church (don't remember), and she came! And, kept coming. And, then, she got saved! I remember the pain that she went through with her ex (she can tell you that), and her sweet, amazing heart towards him through it all! She totally impressed me and still does. Now, she is the mommy of an adorable, little man who probably speaks better than me, and married to a Godly man who loves her, well, adores her! And, today, I found her blog, and guess what? I started crying! HA! imagine that!
Cortney, I love you so much, and am so blessed that God has brought you into my life, even though the times of togetherness are very far in between! Now I get to see more of your life, Fingerpaint queen!

Sassy Shoe Thursday (addendum)

I thought of shoes immediately when I saw the weekly challenge for two peas.
It says: "They are adorable or cute or funky. They make my day, style, & outfit. I like shopping for them, looking at them, buying them, but mostly wearing them. size 7 1/2 or 8. narrow. sandals, casual, heel, or flat. I love shoes. and so do my friends, you should see some of theirs!" enjoy
~you can see some of my other layouts here. and product info, too

Sassy Shoe Thursday

I'm in love with these ones. They are some of my new all-purpose sandals. I will wear them with shorts, with pants, with skirts, with dressy, with casual, with everything. Of course, they are a little grungy looking so I'll have to temper my wardrobe, so maybe not so much dressy!

~~~
I'm kinda liking Vanessa Carlton. yeah, I know, a little behind the times. She's the type of artist/singer that inspires me to make music. I like those ones.

hand sanitizer

Sooo, I've never been the one to really get worried about germs. In fact, I'm the one that says, 'come here you grubby little street urchin, aren't you cute?! But, your nose is just running all over the place, let me wipe it for you. Oh, I don't have any tissue...well, I can wash my hands in that mud puddle over there." HA! yeah, that's pretty much a true account, too. I have always been more interested in life to worry about the things that could keep me from it. My only real problem with germy places is tables. If I lean on tables in restaurants, or desks, for too long, my elbows breakout. I know, I'm always a step aside from the norm! But, I read this article, and it got me thinking, and then I thought some more.....until I remembered where I was - Kosova, where the people throw their garbage in the river and then swim in it! So, I went back to my former conviction: If you think about it too much, you miss your opportunity to live! But, hand sanitizer is a super-handy invention!

MacKenzie River Pizza Co.

everything on the menu, every lovely bite, every interesting and sometimes scary tast combination, sounds dee-lish to me right now. And, since I have to dream about it without getting to fill the craving (I was almost in tears yesterday!), then you guys do, too! I can't bear this one alone. It's too heavy., and I'm not strong enough. Just visit here, and begin to think of the tasty pizzas that come hot and ymmy out of the oven: Thai Pie, Rustler, Bell Ranch, Madison, Good 'ol boy, every single one except the one with fish; or the delicious sammiches: M lazy 7, *new* grilled cheese, willow creek; oh, and don't forget the amazing salads, or the lodgepoles, or the cowboy nachos! (oh, my I think I might start having convulsions! there is a puddle of drool forming under my chair). If you live in a city that has a MacKenzie River Pizza Co. and you don't go there this week and take advantage of the fact that you are priviledged enough to go there, I will disown you. And, if you don't live near a MacKenzie River, and understand what a priviledge it is to live near one.....well, then you know how I feel!

Happy Anniversary, Baby!

one specially designed diamond engagement ring: $2300 (but appraised for way more!)
some minor disputes and arguments: counseling
one adorable, wonderful child and possibly others: countless millions
our first kiss on the morning of our seventh year of an unregrettable, fantastic marriage: PRICELESS!

Thirsty

I feel like I am dying of thirst, soulfully. I feel like my prayers wander into God's ears, but there is a huge vastness in between me and His answers. I feel disconnected to my life, and it doesn't seem like anything that I do makes a change. I still love to worship, I still pray under my breath as I'm working around the house, I still read my Bible as eratically and sporadically as I always have (always needed work in that area). I still believe in my amazing God, his grace and blessings in my life, and see him working, but I feel like I am watching from 'outside'. Weird. I am more convinced now of my faith in Him and what he does good in my life. I have been wanting to start studying women in warfare and applying it to spiritual warfare in a woman's (my) daily life, maybe that will jumpstart something, since I have a feeling that that is probably a big part of my current problem. And, we get to go to a conference at the end of May in Greece that should be awesome, both for me and Dan. better go get studying. Hey, elizabeth, do you have any source for 'women in warfare'? just curious.

little man

Little by little my little boy is growing up. more independent, more words, more big boy stuff, more messes. The other day Susie
(well, Andy) said that we don't have a baby boy now, we have a little boy, and it is true. Both happy and sad about that, too. He has never been a cuddle bum, but now, I am lucky if I can get him to stop long enough to give me a quick kiss and half hug. But, oh! how much I love him.
here's some pages I did of a recent mess he got into. And, you know what I let him. So what that it was the third pair of pants that he had gotten dirty that day, and it was his new H&M t-shirt. He is a little boy and needs to learn little boy things and have fun, even if mommy has to do laundry for the rest of her life.

Flashback Friday

This is three years ago, we took the kindergarten kids to the zoo, and they loved it. Even though it was freezing cold, eventhough half of them wet their pants, and even though it was a glorified collection of exotic chickens with a few huge dogs thrown in. They were just exhausted, as you can see, and some didn't make it home without a catnap (how fitting!). Don't you just love the horrible graininess this has. (I love my EOS!)
I like how blue my eyes are. I know, I'm awful.

New Favorite Day of the week

Okay, It's official. I love THURSDAYS. why? Because of shoes, because it is non-sensical way to celebrate who we are. And, so much fun, and tomorrow is Flashback Friday, too much fun for the end of the week!

Sassy Shoe Thursday

Hooray! It's finally here. My husband thinks I'm a nut. Yesterday I asked him, "do you know what tomorrow is?" - Blank stare, huge question mark almost became visible in the air above his head - "Sassy Shoe Thursday"!
Here's the rules:
any shoes go - if you like them, dislike them, or want them; which includes shoes that you don't have yet, and may never have
tell a little about why you like or dislike them, maybe a memory of when you wore them for eight hours walking through the streets of Paris, five months pregnant, and finally decided to just completely take them off and walked barefoot the last 1/2 mile to your hotel. Ooops! those ones dies a very noble death on that same trip so there will be no picture of them.

I love shoes because they can tell so much about a person, in general and for that moment, and they can make or break whatever it is you decide to wear with them.
Anyhow, there's the rules, and here's my shoes:

They were six dollars, skinny instead of bulky on my feet, and have green on them. Can I really say more? Except that they make me what to skip and run like a fleet-footed...thing. They go with denim, shorts, and skirts, and they are very light. They are also a little in need of cleaning!

Today is Wednesday

Just a note to mention that tomorrow I am starting 'sassy shoe thursday'. play along if you want or just look at my shoes in envy :P
Simply post a pic of any shoes that you: like, hate, or want (yes, shoes you don't own {yet} qualify) and tell a little about what you like or don't like about them.
if you don't have a lot of shoes, or you finally run out, go and raid a friend's closet. It's the beauty of shoes, even if they aren't yours they can still be cute, or sassy!
see you tomorrow

reassurance

I live in a place where the parenting rules that I grew up with and count as normal are very liberal and 'on the edge', or in other words, bad. My child runs around without five layers of clothes on (not an exaggeration), I allow him to try to figure out things on his own, I don't go running immediately to the doctor if he starts coughing, he doesn't like to be held, he eats regular food and lots of it. All of these things will sound normal, or at least somewhat, to Americans, but here, they are definitely not main-stream. So when it comes to things like asking for some encouragement or advice, I am stuck and very alone. How long do I let this fever go on for? Is there a growth spurt at 19 months that I don't know about or is my child just demon-posessed? Is it normal that my son eats more food than me and is only 18 pounds? And, that is only the tip of the iceburg, my friends. But, this last week, I e-mailed our pediatrician, and was hugely blessed and reassured that I am not a bad mommy, the warped (sometimes, I truly think so!) place where we live isn't an example of the way things have to be done, and my child will live and grow up to be an awesome boy! Thank you so much, Dr. Marron, for encouragement through advice and assurance that I can do this! Now, back to potty training...

And we begin...

Warm weather has finally come, which I am so excited about, but so did the part of the Kosovar calendar that I forgot - celebration days. Of course, everyone wants their special day to be on a day full of sunshine, but here, they take it to the extreme. And, since they make babies like crazy, the older ones are always getting married, and new ones are always being born. There's your two big celebrations : weddings, and births. There is also a day for when little boys get circumcised, but that is normally in conjunction with a wedding. So, I have to start dressing up, and not just a little bit. Each wedding is more like getting ready for the prom. But, I laugh, because so much of my own personal style has been affected by the things I have learned here. I love make-up, besides shoes, make-up is my other 'fetish', but in America, Montana especially, it is very easy, and acceptable to get stuck in a make-up rut. But, why in the world did God create all of these beautiful colors if not to have fun with them. I have grown tired and skeptical of the 'jezebel' curse that make-up has, and have decided that the heart (duh!) is what determines that attitude. so, I can proudly say that I am a painted woman! HA! This picture didn't show it very well, but I had pink and pale green eye shadow on, with violet eye liner. And, it looked awesome. And, glittery cheeks. I would rather not have to have a bee hive on my head, but even that part of the dressing up is fun!

hair cut

Well, we finally got around to cutting our son's hair. yes, we did it ourselves, and our methods are, shall we say, unorthodox. but, he shouldn't be mentally scarred from it should he? (It was Dan's idea to use the garbage bag around his neck). But, no matter the means, the end is that Judah no longer has a mop of hair that looks as though it is trying to conquer the world starting with his noggin. I'm not sure Judah even cares about it, but I am glad that it is cut.






he wouldn't stop crying. and I got a little frustrated with the client (Judah) and the coach (Dan) {I hadn't asked for a coach}, so Dan ended up doing the finishing work. but, isn't he a handsome fellow?

respect and dirty clothes

I think that it would be only be right to have a moment of silence. Since we arrived home from Germany, we have had amazing electricity. not 24/7, but most of the 24! So, I am simply assuming that someone has died. Everybody, let's pay some respect to the departed. Okay, and in other news, I ...what? That wasn't short. That was plenty of time. Yes, it was enough to show respect. I don't think that a full minute would be appropriate under the circumstances. It's not like they were my best friend....

~~~
Today, I forgot the word for __________. yeah, the stuff that you wash your clothes with. soap for the clothes washing machine. not dishwashing soap. Oh, yeah!!! DETERGENT! I need to buy some when we go grocery shopping today.

Flashback Friday and posts

I forgot! I posted some new stuff, too! you can check it out here.
Plus, today is flashback Friday Woohoo! after being gone for three weeks (I know I have pretty much botched punctuation today), I almost forgot. This was me, in front of a tiny car. We see these a bunch over here, and I would love to have one one day. Of course, I would have to get a Chevy pick-up motor put into it, but still...

wonder

I think that I'm going to make this my new motto

My 5's

I got tagged, but I love these things:
Five in my fridge: -jar of salsa, almost gone -leftover eggplant parmesan - Happy Cow cream (HA!, don't ask) - Green tea YUM - Dan's Koolaid lemonade
Five in my closet: Tan beret from Paris, traditional Kosovar wedding outfit (yep! I've worn it) - blow dryer - false eyelashes - one piece of stray candy
Five in my purse: pocket mirror - 1 lone puzzle piece - passports - street map of Ljubljana -Slovenia - Manhattan Wanted! lip balm, ice flavor
Five in my car: umbrella (not sure it works) - dirt - dried apple juice spot - neon orange safety vest - half empty oil can
Five on my TiVo or DVR: don't have, so computer } musicmatch jukebox - Adobe Photoshop - digikits - freecell (I'm addicted to this game) - my documents folder, which basically holds most of my creative capacity within it
Five I tag: Rachel M. - Rachael P. - CD - Katie - Elizabeth

6 AM this morning

{a conversation between me and Dan}
Me: I can't find my headset
Dan: ( no response )
Amber: have you seen my headset?
Dan: (click, click, messing with lamp switch, which also gives no response)
Dan: Did we just lose electricity?
Amber: yep
Dan: guess you don't need your headset

-no electricity means no treadmill, means no morning run, means no need for head set

later in the morning while we are messing on the computer Dan points to the aforementioned headset sitting on the top of the computer in plain site:
Dan: oh, by the way, here's your headset, but you can't see anything in the mornings anyway!!

too cute for words

Judah is at the wonderful age where he wants to talk, all of the time, but only about 10% of what comes out of his mouth makes any sense. Never mind the fact that the kid has two different languages, nine or ten signs, and many interesting facial expressions at his disposal! So, we have now entered the time in my life when I am constantly trying to figure out if what he is saying is words of just his words. He repeats almost all of the simple things that we say, and tries some of the more complex ones, too. Yesterday, he told me, "u dota un ee umpa". "Okay", I answered, and followed him out on to the porch where he proudly showed me a bug he had found, flipped over, and left stranded, kicking its little legs in the air trying (in vain) to escape the horrible thing that put him there in the first place and would be returning any moment -sidenote: Judah loves bugs, he literally shrieks with joy when he finds one - So!, point! do you understand what he told me? "you gotta come see something" How funny is he? Everyday is an adventure in puzzle solving and my husband is no help. "You really think he said that?!" But, it is fun, and promising. Because if he is saying this much, in his sweet, soft voice, then what will he be saying next month or in two months? I can't wait to find out! This is a really fun stage.

When I wish I could have given my two cents

Why is it that you give your "two cents worth", but it's "a penny for your thoughts"? (and if you think that that is mine own original thought, you are nuts!!)
But, I wish I could have been a meeting held in our village this last Saturday. I wish that, even though it was the day right after we got back and my house looked like a dog had lived in it and then the neighbors had moved in, that I could have heard what an American 'visitor' had to say to the people of this village. I probably have never really told the history of the village where we live, Krushë e Vogël, Kosovo. If you have heard this before, sorry, if not, sorry if you cry - I always do. Our village was a village of about 100 members, Serbian and Kosovar (ethnic Albanian) before the war. It had been like that for a very long time. Many of the older people that we talk to still can speak Serbian, and talk about how them and their neighbors got along. In 1990, the Serbian government started pushing the Kosovars out of all of the well-paid, good jobs. Many of the families in our village lost a steady income at that time. The Kosovars were pulled over and harassed by the Serbian police (all Kosovar police had been taken off the force), some were beat, or thrown in jail unnecessarily. Then, the war started. To say when it really started is hard, and I have a bad memory for these things. But, on March 24, 1999, NATO began to drop bombs on government buildings, police stations, some factories, anything that was being used by the Serbians or could help them. Near our village is a oil refinery that was blown up because it was Serb owned. When NATO started the bombing, Serbian military and paramilitary started leaving, but not without leaving reminders of who they are. In our village, they separated the Kosovar men from the women and children, told the women and children to go to the river and drown themselves, and took the men up the hill. Their neighbors stood by and did nothing, even though they had told the people to not worry, so they hadn't left earlier. Some of them even pointed out their Kosovar neighbors, and pointed out boys that were of the age. The women went to the river, and were helped across by villagers from the other side. They then escaped into Albania where they stayed for four months as refugees, some in camps and some with kind families. Four months not knowing what had happened back in the village after they were told to leave. The men were marched up the hill, one as young as 10 years old, one as old as 70, and some that were debilitated (sp?). They were driven into one room of a house, fired at through the windows with automatic rifles, poured hay upon, and then burned to death. 117 men and boys were killed March 26, 1999, and their neighbors did nothing to stand in the way. On the west side of the road that goes through our village, the men weren't killed, but in exchange for the raping of their women while they were in the next room. Now, seven years after the war, an American 'visitor' comes into the village, holds a meeting, and tells these widows and families that they need to allow the Serbian 'neighbors' to return to the village and live here! I'm not going against my Christian belief of forgiveness in this, but I see how easy it is to come from a 'civilized' country, where we have our family, house, church, friends, and life, and say, "you need to get a long because that is what's right". But, in saying that, can we see the pain that these women face every single day because ALL of the men in their life were killed? Can we see the grief that these remaining men hold because they weren't able to save their wives and daughters? Or, even that they survived while others didn't? As a Christian, I am called to love all men as Christ would love them. And, I do. If I met a Serbian, I'm sure that they would be friendly and we could even become friends. But, I cannot say that bringing them back to this village would be a good, wise, or kind thing. I cannot say that this guy's idea is a good one. I can't say that I wouldn't have just told him off if I had been at that meeting. And all of this is to say that, Man! I wish I could have said all of that to this American 'visitor'!

New Day

“His mercies are new every morning”, and I am so thankful for that. Things are better today, and my outlook on life isn’t quite as grim as it was last night. But, really how could it be? When I look out my window and see that Spring has finally decided to visit us. (The picture wouldn't upload, so you have to use your imagination) Everything is so green, and little blossoms are popping out everywhere. Of course, this means that we enter the weird time of year where the temp inside our house resembles Alaska winters, and the temp outside is tempting us to sunbathe. We bundle up like Eskimos inside, drink warm drinks, and blow on our hands, then, run outside and shed all of our layers. It’s a very good motivation to get outside and do some gardening. Get in the dirt, smell the earth as it wakes up to the sun, plant some flowers, and heal the damage that my friendly vandals did. (I have forgiven them, truly) We think that Judah has a little bit of ‘Finding Nemo withdrawal. Hmmm, wonder why? I mean, it’s normal for 18 month old boys to say, “Nemo, Nemo, Nemo, Nemo, Nemo…” over and over again while they are riding home in the car, for hours. (okay, he said ‘Momee, Momee, Momee, but he’s has a little dyslexia from my side) It’s normal that I have to spell it out if I have to mention it to Dan – “Is it okay if Judah watches N-E-M-O today?” But, as you can see, I think he got his fix! HA! But, today, has been an inside day, more by need than choice, of course. While I have been puttering around putting away the massive amount of stuff that we took with us (isn’t it interesting that at the beginning of a trip everything seems so important, but at the end, you wonder why you really thought you needed all of those pairs of shoes? HA. Actually, I never wonder that about shoes, shirts maybe, but shoes, NO! I normally think I didn’t pack enough shoes, but I’m palavering {sp?}), I have been thinking about the day, weekend, and week to come. What needs to get done? What would I like to get done? What REALLY needs to get done? And the number 1 answer to all of those questions is CUT JUDAH’S HAIR!!!! I mean seriously, look at that mop! Where is that boy’s parent’s and why are they taking such shoddy care of him?! We wanted to cut it before we left, but worried that he his noggingwould get too cold because of its sudden lack of hair, so we waited. But, I think that the wait is over. But, all teasing aside, can you see the fluttering glimpse of the young man that he will be someday. I don’t know how to explain it, but I see it, and I know that more and more, my little boy isn’t so little anymore!

I'll be better in the morning....

...but for now, I would like to scream. We just got back home from a 3 day drive through most of southern Europe. I could barely contain myself the last few kilometers (miles) to home. i think that the last miles before home after any large trip must be the worst. But, now, I would almost like to get back on the road. Anxious to come home to my wonderful home, I was instead greeted by a very dirty remnant of my home where every last surface needs to be cleaned. Ok, I expected some dust, and little tidying, that's normal. But, the sight that greeted me in the bathroom even goes beyond normal cleaning. Maybe I'll just find some police tape and cordon that room off!!! Daniel is being a wonderful husband and vacuuming because my nerves were frayed to the very ends at the discovery that ALL of the bulbs that I so so excitedly planted last fall were dug up. I had thought about how I would plant other seeds around the already growing bulbs when we got back from Germany. Instead, there is one, wilted, beautiful tulip, cut at its stem, as a nasty thank you note from the vandals! I know that everything will be good tomorrow, and I am happy that I am home, but, I think I need a Valium!

I got to scrap today

I feel somewhat normal today, a contrast to the disconnected-not-at-home feeling I have had since we arrived in Germany, because I got to make som thank you cards. We have been so blessed by the people here at Humedice, that even while we have had to stay here longer because the engine on our van was completely unfixable, we have enjoyed our stay. We have had a perfect little flat so that we could come home to our own space, and I could cook meals if I had the inclination (which I did, and I even created a new recipe 'shtepia pasta' that was oh so scrumptious). we had a vehicle to use in our travels of sightseeing, which were more than we had ever expected because of our extra time here. We had wonderful friends invite us to their homes and make us feel completely welcome and comfortable. But, today, really let me feel a little bit more sane! x-acto knife, sticky medium (in this case, double sided scotch tape, which I love), pretty papers, and pictures that I took and messed with in a German version of Photoshop (translation, or search and find the command, added at least 20 minutes to work time), and mz perfect, fine, felt-tip pen, and my life is a little bit brighter. hope yours are also. have a good day.

We are truly weird

Yep! It´s certifiable!!! We are absolutely twisted!

Me, okay, funny, but Dan.....

Caddy vs. Benz

I have heard people call an item that is the top of its line the "cadillac of ________". Like a Schwinn mountain bike being the cadillac of bikes. But, here in Europe, if something is really nice it is the "Mercedes of ____________". Interesting how life is very much similar, but still so very different. I would rather have the Mercedes, thank you.

NEW TITLE

Just in case you were wondering how important we are, we have now been given the titles of Executive project manager - Kosova (Dan), and Assistant Project Manager (me).
heeheeeeheeeheeeheee

Almost home

Here we are in Germany, still. I kind of feel like I have been here forever! Or at least for a very long time. We needed to come to Germany to get the vehicle, that we drive on a regular basis, inspected and registered and legal to be driven, but because of timing, we had to stay for a longer time than we would have liked. I know, what am I complaining about staying an extra few days in Germany? But, really, I can't wait to get home, which is very odd for me. But, in a nutshell, we have:
~driven on the autobahn, where, I mentioned previously, they drive like crazies
~visited the black forest, where we had such a lovely time and perfect weather, that I really think God made the time especially for us
~met many of the people at Humedica (the organization that we volunteer for. go to Humedica.org for more info), and been so blessed by their warmth and helpfulness
~seen part of the lovely city of Munich (I liked it almost as much as Paris!)
~ate at Pizza Hut once (woohoo)
~had Starbucks twice(Wooohooooo)
~bought really cute shoes (the battery on my camera is dead and I forgot the charger, so I will post a pic later)
~got inspired to really, truly learn German (that would be language number 3)
~visited a real life castle
~worshipped in German (worship is worship everywhere, everylanguage, every song, and everytime you do it, if you do it right)

Of course, there is more, but I think that that sums it up. Those are definitely the highlights. Oh, and I had an idea, I am going to write down my life's special days, nope! better yet, I am going to scrap them. Maybe digi, maybe paper. hmm, I 'll have to think about it. I think this is one of the reasons that I can't wait to get home. I can't wait to start scrapping all of the pictures that I have!!!!!!

Alles besser

Okay, fifteen minutes, one guinea pig break, all of my friends´ blogs, a little pity party, five prayers, several drinks of water (hugely lacking in my life lately) later, I´m doing better. Sorry, had a moment there! c-ya and God bless huge to you.
told you my English is suffering!

swirled green peas

The house where we are staying right now has some very cool features that are very earth-friendly. There is a water tank below the house where rain water is collected and then reused for different things in the house like toilets, washing machines, and a few other things! Some of the lights in the main sections of the house are set on a motion detector so that don´t remain on continually, only when there are people in that area! Garbage is it´s own interesting process in Germany, too! I am not really a person who would attend a 'save the whales' rally (not that it´s bad, but that is another blog entirely), but I think that I could handle these 'green' changes in my house!

dazed and confused

Here I am. I´m still alive! I feel as though I have not been my normal self, which in a way, is true since I have not been living my normal life. Today, we went to church in a beautiful church in the Black Forest. I feel really disjointed, and disconnected, and I feel like I can´t talk (type) right since I have been speaking German/simple English for the last week and a half. I think I need to go back to school for my own language. I haven´t even been trying to teach Judah how to speak since I can´t quite remember myself!!! It´s always wonderful to see new places, and have a break from your everyday life, but, I can´t wait to get back home. Hopefully (I´ll explain the whole situation better when I can think and speak in clear English), we will be able to leave Germany on Thursday, and get home on Sunday!!! I feel like crying, I feel mixed up, you know how you get when you just want to cry and cry and cry? It took me a few minutes just to find the question mark on the keyboard! Of course, tomorrow will be better, but I really want my own bed, or my mommy, or both! I think I need to go watch a sad movie so I can just cry...or take a really long nap. Wow, this makes absolutely no sense and is so not cohesive! I had better go...

Double GGGRRRRrrrrrrr

I just checked out the digi challenge on 2 peas, and I have the perfect idea in my head for it, but I guess it will have to wait. Triple GGGRRRRrrrrrrrr....

World Traveler

We are in Germany, and I am at Humedica headquarters, and I am getting to catch up on a little blogging, and the lives of my friends that do blog, too. Our trip was...well, interesting. You would have to really know us well to understand how very adventurous we can be, because I am amazed at the things we do sometimes! But, here are the highlights of my thoughts throughout the trip (typing on a German keyboard is an adventure in itself, so please forgive me if I dont punctuate right, I cant find some of the punctuations I need, and y and z are switched!)
1. I told Dan about driving past some cops - I was going the speed limit - in Kosova, and looking in my rearview thinking what would happen if they tried to chase me down. I told him that I thought about trying to out run them. He told me that I would have already been too slow if I could see them behind me in my rear-view. He said that as soon as I had the thought, I should have gunned it. And, not that we are trying to become professional criminals, or join the mafia, but, I would make a lousy bad guy!
2. My drivers ed teacher would be horribly disappointed with my driving in the last few days, but that is assuming that he doesnt know what it is like to drive in Europe. All those little rules about good drivers, sometimes get set to the side in Kosova. But, driving throughout six other countries in Europe, they promptly got chucked out the window and left stranded on the side of the road. These people are crazy!
3. I hunted down a Starbucks in Munich, Germany. And, because the clerk (male) forgot to ring up the caramel apple bar that we ordered he gave it to us for free, and because he was flirting with me!! (Europe is very different that way!) And, Susie, I got something headed your way!!
4. I am surprised at how much German I really do know.
5. I am so bummed that I do not have photoshop with me for these two weeks, I think I could learn a ton more, and go nuts making layouts. GRRRRRrrrrrrrr! I could kick myself. I just did kick myself.
6. Judah has to be the cutest child in the world (sorry, all you other mommies), and I am amazed at how he knows how to work people. He wraps everyone, literally, right around his pinky.
7. my poor son will not know which language to speak by the time we get back home, neither will I

Leaving on a jet plane...

Don't I wish. We will be gone for about two weeks. We have to drive through central Europe to Germany to register the van. So, I'm not sure how often I will be able to post. When I get a chance I will. have a good day.

Surprise!! Congratulations!!!

Since I always arrive at parties early, I figured this one should be no different. Congratulations to Elizabeth Dillow, one of the winners of Creating Keepsakes Hall of Fame Contest. Elizabeth has been one of the people to challenge me (without her ever realizing she was doing it) to do more with scrapping, and to encourage me. Little did I know my little sister's teacher would one day be my friend! I am so happy that she is.
Have a great Day, Elizabeth. Happy HOF party. congrats!

Really cool link

Hey, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law, Rob and Cindy Litzinger are now the pastors of an awesome, active, blessed, and growing church in Santa Maria, California. The church family there has been so wonderful to us, and we feel so welcome and at home with them, it is a blessing. But, so you know... each week, I do a newsletter about our lives here in Kosova. What's going on, who we went and visited, little things that God touched our hearts with, and how he is moving in the lives of the people in this land.... and Church for Life has put a link on their site that publishes the letter with quite a bit of other stuff. It's awesome. I'm putting a link on this site, and I'll make little notes of when I put a new letter out.
God bless

Friends

Yesterday, I mentioned that I had posted some digital scraps on twopeas (see previous blog entry), and two of my friends (who became dearer by doing this!) went and checked them out. But, not only that, they commented and I think that my head grew five times larger when I was them! Thanks so much. But, like my hubby said, I can't take all the credit. Yes, I worked really hard to get the 'us' on my sisters layout to look right, but I downloaded a lot of the stuff I used for my Paris layouts online. (I'm all about sales and free stuff!). And, then, today, my friend who is going to travel a third of the way around the world to visit me reminded me that I am a valuable piece of her life. And, a person that I have just met online (female, of course!) has been being a huge encouragement to me in this new little learning trip I am on. I guess I am just feeling hugely blessed with friends right now. Wherever they are, and how ever I know them, I am so thankful for them.

hooray!

This is how I felt yesterday morning and I was so excited to digi-scrap it! I also posted some of my most recent stuff (okay, the first and only things I've ever created!) on twopeas. I have really been enjoying learning all these things in photoshop, and am getting pretty addicted. The feeling that I get after creating something that I am proud of is really heady. Aren't I feeling empowered! And, I figured out how to make a link for you to go there directly to see them. So, now, off you go....

It's Spring!

I don't have any flowers blooming in my yard, yet, so no pictures of that. I tried to upload a picture of me beginning the first day of spring, but computer/internet are deciding to not like me today, and no picture. But, it is still the first day of spring, the first beautiful day we have had in a while (how appropriate), and I am filled with the hope and joy that I get every year in spring, and that makes me excited for the days to come. Isn't God amazing? He knows that we get tired of the same thing over and over, and that change is something we desire in our lives. He knows that just when we think that we can't take another cold, wet, windy day, the spring sunshine will pop through giving promise of life abundant! And, I think you all know what I mean! I am so ready for spring.

Random thoughts

Okay, so I don't hate 2 peas as much now because, Susie told me where to go, and because they have free digital scrapbooking kits for me to download. Now, I just hate our electricity (what's new?) because it doesn't give me much time on the computer with Photoshop, and our internet connection for being unreliable so that I have a hard time downloading the kits that have made my life pure 'fun' since I started using them! Oh, my gosh, on Thursday, using layers in photoshop just clicked and I have been going nuts ever since. Like, I said, when I have good electricity and good internet, I'll upload them to 2 peas so you can all tell me how cool they are :P
--
Being in Kosova has been good for me in so many ways it is scary. I mean in terms of growing up into who God wants me to be. But, there are some yucky side-effects that I have begun to notice that kind of worry me.
1. I am so unconnected from what I know as a 'normal' life (normal being American female), that I don't know if I relate very well.
2. I'm not sure I know how to be a very good friend anymore. Things here are always so superficial, and that is how I have to be a lot of the time. I try to get to know these people, but they don't understand me, and don't know how to open up, so....
3. little lies run through me head, and because of the reasons already referred to, I actually entertain them. Things like, 'all of my friends have way cool lives and I'm stuck here', 'I don't have any real friends, they all just take pity on me, so they make themselves e-mail', 'I could be and do so much more if I weren't here'. Grrrr.
4. I have forgotten that I like to be the type of girl who is feminine but can still change a flat tire in high heels. Here, because of the male-driven, male-directed, male-living culture that exists (if you have a penis you can do whatever you want), I have forgotten a little bit of how to be bold. I act like a little wimpy bettycrocker and hide behind my husband (now I'll get in trouble from betty crockers, which, really there isn't anything wrong with that if that is how God created you, but he put a lot more kick in me than to just sit in the house and take that as all that I do)
So, I am trying to remember that I don't like these things being developed in my life, and paying attention if I am allowing myself to act in them!
---
Judah has been talking like crazy lately, and growing up into so much more of a little boy and not a toddler. Sad, but fun.

***and, if anyone comments on this, I will know that you did it out of pity or guilt, so don't!

Flashback Friday (late)

Sorry, computer wasn't very kind yesterday! But, here's a short flashback. A little over a year ago. Aren't they cute? Judah's the only kermudgin with shoes on, third from the left. Too cute.

In over my head

I've been checking out stuff for digital scrapbooking- which I hope I can figure out because it is amazing, can be used as such a blessing, so much easier for me since I live in a place where you can't just bop to the local ______ store that sells scrapbooking stuff, and it really is so amazing- and amazed at the stuff that is out there, and the gifted people, and the ways that they have used it. I can feel my head starting to spin, but I don't want to stop!

Trend-setter

TREND: PASTEL GREEN EYE SHADOW
DO: Cover your lids or line your eyes with a sheer pastel for a "clean, fresh look" (worn by Scarlett Johansson and Nia Long), says Gage. DON'T: Wear your favorite forest or hunter green shadow from the holiday season – it'll look too heavy.

Well, it looks like I'm back in style finally!!! Too bad I have to do my own make-up each morning...

Danny

I love you. You let me be me. You encourage my dreams, laugh at my cheesiness, and go along with my nuttiness. You like my quirks. You are honest with me even when I don't like it, and you hold me to a better way of being. You inspire me to be better. You challenge me to not give up the first time, or the second time, or at all. You tell me, honestly, when I have done something good and help me feel special in my accomplishments. You are my best friend. I love your smile. I love the jokes that we have between us. You are my hero and I like having you as my protector. I love having you hold my hand. I love being with you. And, all of these words and more don't tell enough of how much I love you.

silly people, me included

So, I got a very American, female hankering today, and popped onto people.aol.com. (Don't know how to to set up a link for you automatically, sorry, I'll figure it someday). And, I could barely tear myself away to go potty in amongst catching up on the stars! How funny are we? These people, who have done nothing more than play some part in a drama are made up into super-people, and we all adore them and love to know what they are doing. It really is quite silly, but I'm still going to keep checking it out everyonce in a while. But, while I was 'checking up', some thoughts came to mind:
!. I am way out of things, Gwen Stefani is pregnant! and too cute.
!. why can't I wear the things and outfits that some of these people wear and get away with it?
!. Britney Spears was pregnant about the same time that I was. How has she done losing the baby fat?

Other people's underwear

@@@ not my undies, but I would like them to be!
I've heard some kind of saying, at some point in my life, that it isn't good to hang your dirty laundry out for people to see. Why you would be hanging dirty laundry is beyond me, but it should to double for underwear. Since we live in a village, where everyone knows if and when I sneeze, I always wonder about hanging my undies out to dry, especially the really small cute ones! So, the small cute ones get hung over the heaters, and the other ones get hung towards the middle of the drying rack so they are hidden by various t-shirts, jeans, and non-eye-raising clothing. -oh, in case you were wondering, we don't have a dryer, so everything is hung to dry, and Dan says that since there isn't that much to them, the small, cute undies just need to be swung around in the air a few times and they're dry! not true, there's a little more to them than that- anyhow, we constantly have guests at our house, and this last week, I had to do some laundry for them. And, I have to admit there is something a little widgy about hanging other people's underwear up to dry. There's something very widgy about hanging out other males' underwear. Yeah, I know, they just went through the washing machine, but, still... So, it gets me thinking, "What is it that makes me so weirded out by this? I mean, everyone wears them (and if they don't, I don't even want to think about it), and normally these people are extra clean, so what's the big deal?" There are a number of reasons that are jumping around in my head. Maybe it's because I would feel really funny if any of the people whose underwear I am handling and hanging were handling, and hanging my underwear. Or, maybe I feel almost like a perv. For goodness sakes, I am touching someone's underwear other than my family's; of course, I'm trying to touch them as little as possible and have considered using clothespins to pick them up with and hang them (I know, getting a little obsessive!), but they are still the underwear of a person that I have only met six days before! It gets a little weird, but some things that I have learned from hanging up other people's underwear is that: I need to go through my underwear and take out all of the ones with holes in them, just in case someone else had to wash them for me ~ I don't own granny panties! Never have, and trust me, never will. Even the big, saggy, gray ones that go almost up to my belly button aren't grannies (I would have taken a picture of some real grannies, but I thought that would be betraying a confidence or something!!) ~ it's amazing how the type of underwear tells so much about a person! What's you underwear say about you?

I don't like 2peas

Okay, so it is an adorable sight that challenges me and makes me want to be creative, but it is intimidating, impossible to find my way around in, and set up so I can't figure it out. I have really cute pictures that are just sitting in my computer doing nothing, and 2peas isn't being very supportive. I hate to be the whiny, hold-my-hand type, but I'm going to admit this one, and yes, whine a little, before I try again to have my face rubbed in cyber mud!

I don't like 2peas

Okay, so it is an adorable sight that challenges me and makes me want to be creative, but it is intimidating, impossible to find my way around in, and set up so I can't figure it out. I hate to be the whiny, hold-my-hand type, but I'm going to admit this one, and yes, whine a little, before I try again to have my face rubbed in cyber mud!

Flashback Friday

I finally am remembering to post a pic for Flashback Friday. The rest will be not-so-long-ago flashbacks since my pics are all in America, but this one is pretty cute.
Can you guess which one is Danny?

Getting organized

You can tell it is coming up on spring by the number of people that keep mentioning things like 'stay on task', 'organizing', 'tidying up', 'unclutter', etcetera... So, my friend blogged a helpful little list of things to do to help all of this. You know, keep the counters clean of clutter, table clean, do a two-minute run-through of the house periodically through the day, yadda, yadda, yadda. So, I am inspired, and I am going to do this. But, then I started looking at all of the 'surfaces' that have been 'cluttered' in the last four days, and my spirits fell just a little. I even took pictures (I stopped after 8), but since me and internet seem to be having a misunderstanding today it will give me that much extra time to get to work. Since we are in the middle of a doctor team, the one desk in the office is exempt, but on March 18, the exemption ends. So, maybe if I can keep up with the little stuff, I can finally post a picture for Flashback Friday without feeling like I have no time to go and hunt for one!

To-do list

So, I'm wondering. or thinking. or something that resembles something in-between the two of those. About all of the things that I have to get done and all of the things that I want to get done. Of course the list of 'have to get dones' get priority and that is why my floors are still somewhat able to be seen, but the 'want to get dones' don't go away just because they aren't getting attention. So, what, other than the 'have to get dones', is holding me back. Well, electricity doesn't allow me to finish my sewing jobs. Fear doesn't allow me to post my cool pictures on 2peas. Lack of focus keeps me from adding to Judah's scrapbook. And, knowing about all of those keeps me from thinking too hard about all of the rest. But, they are still there. So, I have decided to list them. I am going to make a copy of this list so that I can hang it somewhere that I will see it, and actually start to work on it. Perhaps, little by little my list will get done, even along with the ‘have to get dones’. I always think that it would be so much fun to just forget about the ‘have to be dones’ for a week, but I would go stark-raving mad, so it’s just a fun thought.

1. finish scarf tops for sisters and mom (and, yes, this, in essence, ruins the surprise, but if I don’t do it, there will be no surprise!)
2. Bible alphabet book with songs for Judah, and possibly a publisher (I know, crazy big dream)
3. one scrapbook page for each month from Judah’s three months until now, and then some
4. start family photo book, not scrapbook, but not a simple album, either.
5. paint Ps. 40:5 on my entryway wall
6. paint Mt. 5:8 on Judah’s bedroom wall
7. make canvas collage pictures for decorations, three of them
8. learn how to do ‘layers’ in photoshop
9. type out the songs that I have written instead of leaving them in handwritten, mixed up, crazy form
10. get some great pictures of ME, ones I really like, that make me smile, and allow me to feel beautiful but still me

Doctor Team

We have a doctor team here right now, which means the population of our house goes from 3 to 6 (doctor, nurse, and translator), which means the work grows that much, too. Dan is out with the teams during the day until dinner time and then, we crash into bed. I try to hold down the fort and the kindergarten. My mind is blank...tired...I made chicken chimichangas for dinner...hope the chicken didn't have bird flu!

WOW

There are some days that I can feel God's blessing so tangibly in my life that it is almost as though he is virtually holding my hand. For the last few days I have felt this in such an amazing way that it is hard to explain. "What are you talking about?" you may ask. Well, we have spent all of last week and this weekend preparing for and welcoming the first medical mission team of 2006. There is all of the work that I have to take care of in the house, but Daniel has to line up what villages the team will go to, take notices to those villages, put in a notification/permission to the regional government offices, turn in an application for an import license of the medicines that the doctors will bring in, and then go and get the import license. Basically, a lot of driving, and then, we still have to go back to Prishtina and pick them up. Well, the CV joint on our van started clicking the day that Dan was driving all over the countryside of Kosova, and there wasn't going to be time to get it fixed until today (Sunday). Would it make it until then? Would it quit on us right before we picked up the doctors? Would it quit on us right after we picked them up far from our home? The first day, Daniel prayed right then, and God healed the van...no clicking. The next day it started clicking again, so we prayed, and I felt God say, "it will drive until you get it fixed, don't worry." Why? Because it had to. We needed it. Because we had no other way of getting all the things done that needed to get done without it. And, it did, and now it is fixed, and we were never stranded on the side of the road! And, then this morning, I picked out worship music for the service, and got everything ready. We take our keyboard each week since it is what I know. But, when we arrived at the church, there was no electricity! Something that we in the village, are very used to, but the city normally doesn't have the problems that we do. Plus, the house where church is held is set up on a battery system that charges the batteries when there is electricity, and then runs the house when there isn't. But, they had had such bad electricity that the batteries hadn’t been able to charge! So, there goes worship right?! “Just sing as loud and proud, while I play my drum.” -Dan’s suggestion. God’s suggestion- “go grab a guitar.” HA! Right! I have practiced a whole of three times in the last two weeks, but all of the songs that I had picked out were made up of the chords that I know well! And, I led worship with the guitar, and did pretty darn good for it! Besides the shakes I had from a cup of coffee and nervousness, worship was blessed! My life was blessed! My day was blessed! Wow!

a growing promise

I just watched his tiny little butt wander out of the office. His pants are barely staying up because I am attempting to start potty training and without the onesie, that is a pain to unsnap each time he goes to the bathroom but acts as a little bit of friction to keep his pants on his behind (and they are safety pinned, too). But, as he wandered out I wondered about the days that will come in his life. All of the different ones that he will wake up to. What will he look like as he plays soccer with the other eight-year-olds? What kind of music will he like when he's fourteen? Will he mind talking to his mom and dad when there are other people around? And, the more poignant ones: Will he accept Jesus at an early age? Will he follow God all his life or take a few years and try out his own way? Will he be great for God? Will he be a man of honor and integrity that follows God's word with his heart? But, then my heart is told, by my soul, to be still. To stop fluttering so, and enjoy peace. Enjoy contentment. Enjoy promise.

Many, O Lord my God, are the things you have done
The things you have planned for us, who can recount to you?
Were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare. Ps. 40:5

Enjoy run-n-jump hugs, enjoy cheesy little grins, enjoy trying to potty train little by little, enjoy dinosaur noises, enjoy toilet paper shreds throughout the house, and enjoy loving a boy whose future is full of promise!

Christel Louise (Evans) Fleming

Isn't she so beautiful? Allow me to introduce my younger sister, the one who tortured me in high school by trying to wear all of my clothes, and trying to be like me. The one who could pinch us with her toes. The one who always had loads of friends while I stood on the outside of the 'cool crowd'. The one who I am learning to adore! Even though there were so many ways that we were (and are) different, there are so many ways that we truly are alike, apart from the obvious one of being sisters. And, her gentle and quiet spirit that has always drawn people to her, has become an adornment as she has matured into a woman. While I normally let my feelings and emotions pour out of me like a leaky funnel, her tentative spirit has drawn peoples troubled hearts to a place of calm.

It is such a blessing to now have a friend of my sister. A true friend. And her goofiness (it's genetic in our family, so she does have it, it just doesn't show up at first notice like with me!), comes out in beautiful, fun, quirky ways that make the people who love her, love her even more.

And, now, the next time I see my sister, she will have changed a little bit more. Her sweet, funny self with have a baby to direct it all at. That living piece of her that will join our family will cause her attributes to blossom even more. I can't wait. Although I am super bummed I don't get to touch and rub and hum to the tum, I am more excited for this great present that is coming to my sis!

New Link

Just letting you all know about the new link I slaved to put onto my page.... I'm going to campaign for a typepad blog for mother's day. It would save me soooooooo much time that my husband doesn't like me spending 'messing' anyhow. But, anyhow. we'll try putting our pics up this way for you. oops, just lost electricity, gotta go.

Narnia

Yes, we are a little behind, but we actually got to see this in a movie theater, with popcorn in our hands, and loved it!!!!! I can't wait until Judah is older so he can see it, too. All I can say, is "That was totally wicked!"

The girls

These are 'the girls', the ladies we see every week day of the year, except during August. The ladies who make us smile and grit our teeth. They make us cry, laugh, and want to tear our hair out. They have become our friends, sisters, and family. We love them dearly. And, this is one of the only picture we have of them really smiling. I love this picture and thought I should share it.

HOME

I have been taking some time this afternoon to pour over the magazine that arrived in my mail (POSTA!!!!) on Monday. Never mind that it was mailed two-n-a-half months ago. Never mind that it was supposed to get here closer to Christmas. Never mind that all of the articles, pictures, and recipes are for Christmas. I am so close to happy tears it is ridiculous. Isn't Mikayla beautiful? I think that about most all of Mary Engelbreit's 'friends'. And, this afternoon pouring over a "Home Companion" mag, with a warm cup of joe was so close to home!!! The final article was about the thing(s) that made the author feel like home. Hers was dishes, Blue Willow dishes - mine is Mary Engelbreit shtuff. I think maybe it is because it is what my mom liked (likes), or maybe because the fun, eclectic, artsy, kitschy, beautiful ways that ME works is the way that my mom, sisters, and me all work, too. Who knows, but it's like home. I open one of these magazines and everything else stops. I get a little short of breath when I look through the pages, as though a surprise waits on every page I turn. I pour through it and look through the pictures, and then I pour through it again and read every word (even the advertisements), and then I pour through it again! I feel inspired to make my home beautiful, to be industrious, to make gifts and special little treats for every person I know. I get excited about being a mommy and a wife. But, whatever it is that draws me, whatever it is that holds me, I think of home when I see ME shtuff. It's almost as good as walking into my mom's house. Or better yet, her hug (okay, flat out crying now!)!

Do you have something that makes you feel 'home'? What is it? Go get inspired by it right now!

Lately

1. Judah has ditched the 'two-nap day'. Boy, do I miss it!!!!
2. I'm obviously not pregnant this month, and I don't like the proof
3. I am teaching choir to kids who couldn't hit a note if their life depended on it, seriously!
4. I have been able to get one load away from catching up on laundry. I think it will be finished tomorrow.
5. I am truly thinking about not waiting until 18 months, and starting to potty train Judah now. I am tired of him getting mad at me cuz I need to change his diaper
6. It started raining today, and we got stuck in a mud hole tonight.
7. We got pulled out of the mud hole by a back hoe!
8. I had Turkish coffee at 7:30 PM at night! Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb!

Narrow is the road

we thought that is started getting skinny here.... but, we had no idea what was ahead...this wasn't supposed to be a ski trip...
or, maybe it was?!?!?!
To sum it all up, the normal border crossing was closed so we decided to take this other road, which was beautiful, if a little worrisome! We made it there, and made it back with a whole lot of adventure, talks, hand-holding, laughing, and fun, in between.

so excited

Danny and I are going to Skopje for the night tomorrow. He surprised me by having a friend take Judah for the night!!!!! First time in 16 mos and 24 days!!!!

Late Night Conversations

Dan: That would be awesome if I could klep a class at Ohio State, but I don't think that have any test during December. That's when we'd probably go to visit my family.

Amber: nope, it's Christmas at my family's this year, and we'll be in big trouble if not mumbling: well, not really, but kinda, yeah

Dan: I thought we were at your family's last year!

Amber: no, remember, this year we were here, and the year before we were at your family's. Judah was two months old, and Ken and the kids came...?

Dan wanders off...

Amber: yeah, I'm sure of it. I remember my family circled all around Judah at Thanksgiving.

Dan: so we were at your family's both times?

Amber: (quizically) Am I saying something wrong?

Dan: (chuckling at his mistake) no

Bigfoot

excuse the messy room in the background...

Leftovers

Cleaned out my regrigerator the other day...won't even guess what some of the stuff was...I know one thing was leftover from Thanksgiving...had started to wonder where all of my plastic containers had disappeared to...stinky business...need to learn to cook for TWO, only...we've had leftovers three days in a row, where did all of this come from?

Lost in Translation

This morning, while I was leading worship, and playing piano, I had to end with a prayer, in SHQIP !!! So, here is what they got:

"...[Dear God], You are bread when I am thirsty, You are water when I'm hungry..."

It's the heart that counts right?!

My new cuss word

HA! Almost, but no really. Not sure how, or why, but 'fashnizzel' has been my latest euphemism of choice (I think that Snoop Dogg uses it, but I'm pretty sure that I say it wrong). Just for pointers, I used it tonight when I got tomatoe sauce on the cuff of one of my favorite hoodies while making chili (fashnizzel!), and then when Judah took the salt shaker from the table and started running through the kitchen shaking it upside down (fashnizzel!!!!!), and then when he turned around and grabbed the pepper shaker while I was trying to put the salt shaker out of reach (Fashnizzel!?!?!?!?), and then when the computer turned off on me twice while I was trying to type my blog entry (FASHNIZZEL!!!).

Anyhow, don't have any idea where I got it from, and don't have any idea if it means anything. If it does please let me know, as I have a record of making really big mistakes with words!

Indian Fry Bread

It is delicious, super unhealthy, and oh-so-good! But, also politically IN-correct, as Susie would tell me. I giggled all night long last night as I made my Indain fry bread, and then later, ate it and enjoyed it, thinking about how Susie would have to probably make up a new name for this delight before she was able to eat it. It made me think of the first time that we went out to dinner with her and Andy, the first week that we ever met her. It was at a wonderful restaurant in Helena, MT, and I immediately knew that I liked Susie. But, I wasn't so sure that she liked me. Because I wasn't politically correct. I don't even remember what I said, but it turned into a lengthy, albeit funny, conversation about racial titles. A Indian fry bread is definitely not PC!!! But, every place I have ever seen it calls it that even on Indian reservations, being sold by Indians, or Native Americans. So, I had to giggle thinking about Susie and that first experience with her, and then I had to marvel that God convinced her to call me, a politically incorrect girl from Montana, her friend!!!
Oh, sorry, and Bohemian, Irish, Native American MUTT!

Who does he look like?

I have to think that the answer to that changes with his mood, clothes, and diaper! I'll just give you an idea of what I mean:
*his smile is like Papa Hugh's
*his mouth is big like Uncle Rob's (and I'm sure if you taught him to, he could fit his whole fist in like UR, too!)
*sometimes when he grins big, really big, he looks like cousin Andrew
*he sits on his feet like Grandma Nina
*he walks like his Daddy, and gets his strongheadedness from him, too
*he sucks his tongue like his Auntie Christel (don't ask me to explain that one!)
*he laughs like his mommy (a retarded half-silent, half-loud noise that resembles a laugh - I say that after watching him copy me!)
*depending on faces he makes, for a few short nanoseconds, he looks so much like Grandma Colleen, Grandpa Wayne, Auntie Elisha, and Auntie Missy that it is scary.
*he likes dinosaurs like my cousin Tyrell.
*And, in one picture he even looked like my Uncle Lance!!!

This of course doesn't even sum it up. He has unlimited facets to his growing personality, and they come out in such amazing ways. The ones that are really fun, the ones that amaze me, are the ones that are completely, uniquely, Judah Wayne Litzinger!!!!

Dark Chocolate

"... a local common culture that is vibrant, colourful and tolerant of the eccentric - bit still able to hold on to important elements of traditions - has grown up after centuries of mixing and merging."

This past week I was given a gift of chocolate
and not just any chocolate, but dark chocolate. Now, I am not really a chocolate fan (yes, I'm sure I'm female), but this is not your ordinary Hershey's bar. Far from it! Allow me a few minutes to indulge. It is made by a company called J.D. Gross and is titled "Trinidad". Eating a square of this 76% pure chocolate - yes, bittersweet - inspired me to look up the island it is named after. And, it walks you through your mouthful. As soon as you put it in your mouth, you think dark skin that has been warmed by an island sun, dark, lush, vibrant. As it begins to melt you can almost experience the mixture of people around you at Carnival, and sense the centuries of tradition and culture mixing together in the tastes. And, the bittersweet kick makes you want to swing your hips and exude sexuality (I said let me indulge!!!!)
Yes, all this in a bite of chocolate. At least, I think so. Anyone wanna vacation in Trinidad?

snow things

Shock Collar

I wish there was a shock collar that connected into my cerebral pulses to tell when I was going to open my mouth to say something stupid. Not just something stupid, but things that I have thought, 'oh, should I say this?' or 'should I bring this up?'. And, with that small thought comes a bone-jarring shock that reminds me, 'NO! I should not say that.' and "NO! I should not bring that up!' Somebody wants to draw up the plans, I'll help with marketing, and I am sure that we could make a million bucks quick like.

A new experience and a forgotten one revisited

I have never, ever been to a funeral, or wake until Friday morning. And, here everything is a little different than it is in America. So, I was not exactly sure what to expect as Dan and I marched up the road dressed in black (I knew that much was normal, and very much expected here!) But, I didn't expect to see the dead lady laying on a low table in the middle of the room!!! It's a little different that having a dead body set up in a coffin in the front of the room. All of her female family and friends sat packed in around her with barely enough room in between their knees and her 'bed' for us to wiggle through. And, of course, you much do the wiggle through in order to greet everyone in the room. How stressful is that? As if I weren't already weirded out enough by the dead lady laying in such a position that I am about to sit on her at the wrong movement, but I also have to try to think about how to greet these mourning women. Obviously, the typical greeting of 'Good day' wouldn't work, and I know that there has got to be something that they say traditionally, but dumb me, didn't ask the workers before she left. So, I really want to let these people know that I am sorry for them, but in between trying to keep my balance, have good manners, and kicking myself for stupidity, it is a little difficult. And, then, the clincher!!! A woman started to sing. Not a wail, not a crying song, but a very beautiful, slow, haunting song. After the first note, there wasn't a way that I was going to avoid crying, but (please, I sincerely do not mean this rudely!) luckily, I had already started concentrating on balance and manners for leaving.
~~~~~~~~~
Turkish toilets, or the more fondly termed 'squattie potties', are something that used to be very normal for Kosova until some very smart people introduced the 'western toilet'. Squatties are holes in the ground, literally. Some are dressed up with a little ceramic. I normally don't have to go potty outside of my own home, but if I do, we have learned the places that have western toilets, so I haven't had to use one in a while. But, the other day, we were in a time crunch to get the director of our organization fed and to the airport, so we ended up at a less than desirable restaurant. I wasn't feeling that well to begin with and the food smells that greeted me started to turn my tummy and I suddenly had to go potty, too. So, I was stuck. As, I walked in, I looked for TP...none! Another interesting fact, in times before, women stayed at home so men were the only ones using the squatties, and I guess they didn't feel the need for TP. Anyhow. I turned around and got a napkin, then marched back in. But, first you have to go through the steps: Roll up your pantlegs - they drag in the "water" on the floor, then pull your pants down and squat. Don't forget - - face the back wall otherwise you will tinkle all over the "floor"(as if the last five visitors didn't already). This time had a new humiliation, though. As I relieved myself, a dog kept barking outside the open window at my head. Finally, I looked up to see what was going on, and realized that the dog was actually barking at me! The stupid thing was up on a higher floor of an unfinished building watching me going potty and telling the neighbors about it!!! How rude!

My fingers

I remember when I was in high school, how much I hated the way that my fingers looked (I know, in the whole scope of things, what was I thinking?!?!) But, really, some of my friends had manicured long fingernails, and mine never seemed to grow long, plus, as a piano player, you're not supposed to have long fingernails. My fingers just didn't look 'pretty' with short fingernails, or so I thought. But, since I have grown up, a little, I realize that hands are for a whole lot more than looking pretty. Right now, the tips of the fingers on my right hand are dry and cracking, I can't seem to get them to heal up even though I put tons and tons of heavy, gross lotion on. The finger tips of my left hand are all numb because I started to practice guitar again, and they are telling me that they aren't so happy with that decision. But, the pain I am feeling isn't the entire story. My fingers are cracked and dry because I wash the dishes, and the floor, and the bathrooms, and my son's face. I clean our living space and faces so that we shine. So that we bless guests with a peaceful atmosphere. So my life is peaceful and I can enjoy the beautiful things that surround me, because I can see them. My other fingers hurt because I was worshipping. I didn't have any electricity and really wanted to take those free moments to worship God. My heart was ready to spill and I remembered that long put-aside wish to start practicing guitar again. So, me, my protesting fingers, bad strumming, and willing heart worshipped God. And there are so many other things that my fingers can do. They love to cook (my mouth likes to help out)scrumptious foods that other people, and us, can enjoy. They like to make things beautiful. They like to comfort and cherish little rosy cheeks that sometimes don't get soft touches. They like to dance while I talk! They like to blog!! They like to take pictures, and they like to make those pictures 'cool' on Adobe. So, really, my hands are beautiful because of what they do and what they represent. And, since they are an extension of me, maybe I am, too!!!